The Sex Party Manifesto by UnitedSexAddicts.com
So you wanna throw a party...
This is the official USA Party guideline/rule-book/advice manual, (call it whatever you want) It is for anyone interested in throwing parties. It includes everything we have learned, the mistakes we've made, the things we think are important, the problems, the joys, the headaches and the fun.
Before you read any further you should know that UnitedSexAddicts.com charges the equivalent of two donations in exchange for endorsing and promoting any party. So if the donation is $20.00 you would need to pay us $40.00 to begin promoting. You can still promote your party on the site for no money but if you want us to promote it and do mass mailings you would need to make a donation toward the site, For any questions or to discuss more details contact us at UnitedSexAddicts@gmail.com
Remember we strongly urge you to follow these guidelines and if we get any reports of illegal activity or lots of negative feedback we won't be able to promote any future parties for you. We want everyone to have fun and make sure no one ends up in jail or in the hospital.
RULES YOU MUST AGREE TO!
• NO ALCOHOL
• NO DRUGS
• NO PROSTITUTION
• DON'T GUARANTEE SEX FOR YOUR GUESTS
• CARD PEOPLE WHO LOOK YOUNG
• PROVIDE CONDOMS AND LUBE
• SAFER SEX ONLY
SUGGESTIONS
• PROVIDE WET WIPES
• PROVIDE A PLACE TO CHANGE BEFORE THE PARTY
• HAVE AIR FRESHENER SPRAY CANS IN THE BATHROOM
• TREAT EVERYONE WARMLY
• FREE 60 DAY UPGRADES FOR PARTY GUESTS
• DON'T EXPECT US TO PROVIDE ALL YOUR PARTY-GOERS
So, if you are serious about throwing parties and having us help to promote them you should read all this information word for word and memorize it. If you've never thrown parties before it will save you some headache and if you've already thrown parties you might help us include things we have forgotten.
So here is our list, aimed to help you avoid problems and headaches. They are in no particular order except the first one which is the most important.
• DO NOT THROW PARTIES AS A WAY TO MAKE MONEY!
Only throw parties cause you want to have fun. You might make a few bucks in the process but don't do it for the money. There are a million easier ways to make money and the hours your put in will far outweigh the money you make.
Below is the rest of the info but if you aren't gonna follow the first rule the rest of this information will be useless. So I will repeat it:
• DO NOT THROW PARTIES AS A WAY TO MAKE MONEY!
The second most important rule is learning how to say the the word "NO".
• LEARN TO SAY "NO".
This is a theme we will continue to explore but if you can't learn to say "no" to certain people you may not be a very good host/hostess. 90% of all party-goers are totally awesome, wonderful, respectful, thoughtful, generous people. But the 10% that aren't can really fuck up your life. So learning to say no is really important. If you can't say NO you shouldn't be throwing parties.
Examples:
"No you can't spend the night." "No, you can't do drugs and drink." "No you can't have sex in the bathroom." "No, I won't drive you home."
The list is endless. Learn to say NO! It took me about a year to learn and I'm a better host now because of it.
• KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. READ THE CONSTITUTION.
There is nothing illegal about grown adults over the age of 18 getting together and having consensual sex in a private home or hotel. However, if you rent your home and the landlord finds out, they may not like it and pressure you to stop. And local law enforcement are free to stop by anytime they suspect illegal activity is taking place or they get a "complaint". And there are hotel rules about occupancy levels. But consensual group sex where no one is being paid to have sex is completely 100% legal. Swinger clubs don't get shut down for the sex they get shut down cause of parking issues, alcohol issues, drug problems, noise complaints, etc. Also, frequency is an issue. If you have a big party 5 nights a week, you might be considered a business and then face problems with local officials. If it's only once or twice a month, it's less of a problem.
• WHO ARE YOUR PARTIES FOR?
It's really important for you to figure out why are you throwing parties. Who are you throwing them for? What do you you hope to accomplish and who is the market for the party? Do you want to have an all-inclusive party for anyone who wants to come? Do you want a party that only t-gurls can come to and no men? Are you trying to do a party so you can get laid? You have to be honest about why you are doing it. If you're just doing it so you can get laid you should just invite people you want to have sex with. If guests think you are throwing a party just as an excuse to get laid there is a good chance they won't come back. Parties are about the guests not the host. Think about what your guests want and need and then try and help them achieve that. They don't want to come to a party to watch you have sex with everyone before they get a shot. Eventually, greed will kill your parties. And it's your job to follow through on what your promote. If you promote it as a t-gurl party but then you don't allow t-gurls to come early and get dressed then you really aren't thinking of their needs.
• DISCRETION
It's always best to make the most discreet choice when having a party. Encourage guests to wear discreet attire while going back and forth to the car. They can dress as crazy as they want once they get inside but no party benefits from shocking your neighbors or having pissed-off hotel guests. Be discreet and avoid headaches and drama.
• DONATIONS
You can not charge an admission fee for your party unless you are a business. It's a donation. Everyone is donating toward the cost of the party. It's the same as a group of people getting together to watch football and everyone chipping in for pizza. And if someone comes and makes even a tiny issue about not donating just let them in and treat them as warmly as you treated everyone who donated. Having pissed off party guests is bad for everyone even if the guest is a douchebag who feels he doesn't have to pay his share. There are lots of ways to discourage douchebags from returning to your party but getting into a fight over 20 bucks at the door is stupid. Just let them in and deal with it later.
• ASSHOLES
Having assholes at parties is no good for anyone but the asshole. If you have the same asshole show up twice and you get complaints about him/her politely contact them away from the party, if possible, and tell them that "these are not the parties for you". Creepy, rude, dirty people are not good for parties and must be kept away. I've probably only gotten rid of 6 guests in my whole time doing parties and they were quite angry but it was worth it not to have them around anymore. Don't be afraid to alienate one asshole for the sake of having great parties but choose your enemies wisely. There are lots of ways for assholes to fuck up your parties so be careful and try to be as nice as you can, ALWAYS.
• NO ALCOHOL
Please take this one seriously. No alcohol. Please. You don't need it. It only brings trouble. Do you really want someone to get a DUI leaving your party? Do you really want a drunk girl getting gang-banged and then the next day claiming she didn't consent? Do you really want to risk having a 20 year old come to the party legally and then start drinking illegally and you get charged and/or fined for having underage drinking? Do you really want someone to get an STD at your party cause they were drunk and not thinking about safe sex? Really? Are the risks worth it? NO THEY ARE NOT! These are sex parties NOT drinking parties. If someone needs to drink to have sex YOU DO NOT WANT THEM AT YOUR PARTY! I've had countless compliments about the no-alcohol policy and only a few complaints and the complaints were from people I didn't really like. No alcohol! If you want to produce alcohol/sex parties, that's your business but we won't endorse it or allow it on the site and if we find out about it we will block you and your parties from the site. It's just too damn risky. And drunk people are loud and obnoxious which is BAD for parties. The number one problems sex clubs/parties have is with liquor license issues. It is not worth the risk. No alcohol.
• NO DRUGS
Do I even need to discuss this? We had ONE drug incident out of hundreds of parties. Someone did XTC and passed out and they were banned for a while. They begged to come back. We let them. Never had another problem. NO FUCKING DRUGS. Everything we said about alcohol applies to drugs but 1000% more. Let's be totally honest. If someone occasionally brings a flask and has a few tiny few sips of alcohol and they are discreet and not drunk we might look the other way but if someone does "a little cocaine" that person will be banned from all parties and booted off the site and we would never promote that party again. No drugs: no cocaine, no meth, no xtc, no crystal, no heroin, no marijuana, no poppers, NOTHING.
• POPPERS
Poppers are gross. Some people use them to get turned on. They smell gross and if they spill it's a mess. I don't allow poppers. Would you want someone sniffing glue at your parties? No poppers.
• CARD PEOPLE WHO LOOK YOUNG
If they look really young, card them. We had someone show up once on their 18th birthday. Always err on the side of caution and if they look underage and don't have ID, DO NOT LET THEM IN! Don't take risks. It's not much of a party if you end up in jail. And your court costs will far outweigh anything you made on the party.
• CONDOMS AND LUBE
If you want to throw a party you must provide condoms and lube and have them readily available. You can actually get them for free if you contact your local health/std/hiv clinic. Sometimes we get them for free and sometimes we buy them but we always have them and you must, too.
• MAGNUMS
We always need Magnums at our parties, THANK GOD! But sometimes we forget to buy them and we are scrambling for Magnums. Don't be like me, don't forget to have magnums.
• SAFER SEX
We promote safe/safer sex parties only. If someone doesn't like fucking with condoms then they need to find a different party. One should always assume that their sex partners have every disease known to man and then have sex accordingly. Condoms really do work. Sober sex works. I would be devastated if anyone contracted a disease at one of my parties and you should be worried about it, too. If you're gonna be the host you should keep an eye on what people are doing. There will always be the occasional guest/asshole who will try to get away without using a condom. Let them know that it's not acceptable and if the try it again they will be banned. And remember, if a guy is fucking two people he needs to change condoms in between. Protect your guests, it's your job.
• SMOKING
There should be a smoking area but please don't allow smoking in the house. Most of your guests will not like it.
• AIR QUALITY
Even in the dead of winter it can get very hot in a room full of people having sex so keep fans around. If there are close neighbors you don't want the windows open and sounds of sex filling the neighborhood. If you have air conditioning, turn it on high before people get there, it might be chilly at first but once the sex starts it will heat up.
• GARBAGE CANS
We suggest putting lots of garbage cans around but trust me, some people will not use them no matter what. You WILL be cleaning up dirty condoms at the end of the night. If this is something you don't want to do then you might want to consider NOT having a party. Invest in lots of rubber gloves. Some people are gross and do not douche. You WILL see shit on some condoms. That's why everyone should donate because at the end of the night YOU GET TO CLEAN UP THEIR SHIT! Still wanna throw a party?
• SHEETS
We strongly suggest covering up furniture/charirs/beds with sheets you don't care about. It's not uncommon for someone to get fucked then sit down and leave a lube skidmark on the chair. And who gets to clean that up? You do!
• FOOD
Do what you want in this department but I believe people do not go to sex parties for the food. I spent $150.00 on food at my first party. No one touched it. They aren't there to eat. (Well, not food, anyway.) Cheap cookies and soda is fine. We use to to do cans but now we do cups and ice and it's fine. If you shop smart you should be able to get all the snacks/soda for 25-40 bucks. But if you want to serve caviar and lobster that's up to you. Knock yourself out. And please invite me.
• WET WIPES
Please provide wet wipes at your parties in all your rooms. They are really useful.
• PARTY TIMES
You can throw a party anytime you want and someone will show up if it has been properly promoted. There are no BEST times to have a party. Saturday nights tend to be good but we've had huge parties on Monday nights and Thursday afternoons. Lunchtime parties are good if it's the right location and people can get there on a lunch break. Lots of married guys love lunch-break parties.
• START TIMES
If your party caters to cross-dressers or people who like to dress up in fetish clothes it's good to allow people to show up an hour or so before the party to get dressed. BUT we find it's best to NOT start the party til the announced time. So if the party is scheduled for 9PM and 5 crossdressers are there an hour before getting ready, I discourage them from having sex til the party starts, but that's just me. I think it's best for parties to start when they are announced as starting. So if a guy shows up right at 9PM and people are already having sex he might feel a little put-out like he missed something or was excluded from the pre-show. So if it's announced for 9PM it should start at 9PM and not before.
• A PLACE TO CHANGE
Once the party starts if you only have one bathroom you really shouldn't let someone use it for an hour to get dressed. Guests need the bathroom and they get highly annoyed, rightfully so, when they can't get in the bathroom.
• HAVE AIR FRESHENER SPRAY CANS IN THE BATHROOM
Need I say more about this? This is very important.
• BATHROOM SEX
One way to really piss off your guests is by allowing other guests to fuck in the bathroom.
• SHOWERING
If you enjoy washing lots of dirty towels let your guests know they can all use the shower. I allow the occasional shower but I don't encourage it.
• END TIMES
Wow, this is really important. When I first started doing parties I was lax about the end times and some people never wanted to leave. Sometimes people would stay for a whole extra day. It was my fault, I allowed it. And it's harder to control when it's in your house and it's your friends but I like parties to end when they are supposed to. It's cleaner for everyone. There will always be people who won't leave til they are told to so be careful about this. It's your party do what you want but I strongly suggest sticking to your beginning and ending times especially if you plan on doing lots of parties. You want people to get in the habit of leaving.
• PROSTITUTION
This is a really good way to end up in jail and get kicked off the USA site. I love my prostitute friends. I think prostitution should be legal but it ain't. So don't allow it at your parties and don't try and dabble with it. And if anyone ever tries to solicit a party-goer for money and you find out about it you deal with it swiftly and harshly. Undercover cops have every right to attend your party. Remember NO ONE IS BEING PAID FOR SEX and SEX IS NOT GUARANTEED! You can't say, "Come to our party and fuck a girl for 25 bucks!" But you can say. "We're having a party for sex addicts and the donation to cover party costs is 25 bucks." We did have a party listed on the site once and we found out that girls at the party were hitting guys up for extra money. Guess what? Those parties aren't listed on the site anymore. You CAN do parties legally. Why take risks?
• LAW ENFORCEMENT
While in Oceanside I met with vice because someone I banned from the parties called the cops and said we were having drug and prostitution parties. The cops came. I was completely honest about what was going on and they left. Deal with the cops honestly. They may not approve of your parties but they know the laws and they know that sex parties are 1000% legal. They can tell when someone is on drugs and I and my guests clearly are not. Know your rights and obey the laws. The cops even suggested publishing the party costs so people know exactly where the money is going and I think that's a great idea.
• HOSTING
If you're gonna host you should have an interest in people. Some people are very nervous at these parties. Greet everyone warmly. Go out of your way to make them feel welcome. If they are wallflowers or seem bored, go and talk to them, engage them. You want them to have fun and come back and spread the word. The goal is for people to leave feeling completely satisfied. If 80% of your guests leave satisfied you've thrown a great party.
• HUGGING
Greeting party-goers with a hug is a great way to break the ice and make people feel embraced. It really works.
• IGNORE THE GRUMPS
The people I despise are the ones who have sex with 6 people, get 5 blowjobs, suck 10 cocks, fuck 2 pussies and then complain that the party was a little slow. Fuck those people. Seriously. They should try going on Craigslist and finding all that in one night. Some people are never satisfied. Ignore those people.
• NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO SEX
Sometimes a person will come to a party and everyone will want to have sex with them but that person, for whatever reason, just wants to watch and not play. Then guests start grumbling about why this person won't have sex. If this happens to you, discreetly remind your complaining guests, with a sweet smile on your face, that, "anyone can come to the party, they don't have to have sex if they don't want to. No one is entitled to sex, you know that." Remember, you set the tone at your parties. Your guests follow your lead.
• KEEP THE FOCUS OFF YOU
Again, it's not about you it's about them. No one came to the party for the joy of listening to you complain about your life. Yes, you worked hard on the party but nobody wants to hear you complain about it. I've been guilty of this on more than one occasion and each time I indulge myself I regret it. These are your guests not your therapists.
• DON'T GOSSIP
It's a very small community. Words travel quickly so don't say anything about anyone that you wouldn't say in front of them And if it's negative don't say it. The parties are places of fantasy and escapism. Negativity has no place at the party.
• DON'T BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU
Don't bitch about problems you have with the USA site. "I can't figure out how to upload videos. It's too complicated!" The website exists to promote your parties but if you tell your guests that UnitedSexAddicts.com sucks, which it doesn't, they might pack up and leave the site and never return. Stay upbeat and positive.
• CAMERAS and VIDEO
This is between you and your guests. But it should all be out in the open. Sometimes we have a webcam area set up but we make it clear before hand.
• SCHEDULING
It's not the best idea to have two parties in the same day in the same city promoted through USA. However, if the parties are different thematically it might be ok. For instance, if you wanted to do a male only party and someone else wanted to do a t-gurl only party. That might work but it's always a mystery why people show or don't. But it's good to coordinate with other USA parties...or not. It's your party, do what you want. You are paying for our promotion. We are not planning your party or telling you when to have it. It's up to you. Though, if we feel there is a strong conflict of interest we might discuss this with you before we agree to promote.
• RSVP
People like to know who will be going to a party. Sometimes I let people know who has confirmed and sometimes not. It's up to you. RSVP's give party-goers a sense of who will be there which never hurts if you have lots of RSVP's. But once we had 500 on an RSVP list and 150 showed up. So RSVP lists don't mean much unless it's pre-paid.
• PRE-PAY
We once did pre-pay and everyone who pre-paid actually showed up. I haven't really explored this much but I might in the future and I'll update this once I know more.
• PAYPAL
Lots of people use Pay-Pal to have members pre-pay for parties but I wouldn't do that because Pay-Pal doesn't like it and if they find out they can shut you down and keep all your money.
• DONATION PRICES
You can ask for whatever you think is fair. If you can get 10 guests to come and each donate $500.00 dollars, good for you! The highest I suggest is $40.00. Most guests are cool with $20.00. I currently do $25.00. We allow t-gurls and couples for free so remember, it's good for the party to do that but that's alot of people not donating. But you aren't doing this to make money, RIGHT? If it's in your home I would say $20.00 or $25.00 but if it's a nice hotel suite then you might need to do $40.00. Some people charge $50.00 or $60.00 but most men think that's too high. Although if they take a girl to dinner they would spend much more and may not get laid so...it's up to you.
• HIRE A DOOR PERSON
Most people are cool with donating but 10% have to be hounded for it and another 10% will only donate when asked. We use to have a donation jar and we would ask people to donate $20.00. We stopped that once we figured out lots of people were donating $1.00. Now we ask guests to bring their donation in an envelope. It feels cleaner that way and it's less like a business transaction and feels more like a gift/donation.
• NO PARTY SHOPPING
Do not allow a person to walk around the party before they decide if they want to stay and donate or not. This is the fastest way to piss me off. I call it party-shopping. It makes me feel dirty and sleazy. It's like they are deciding if there's anyone here they want to fuck before they make a donation. Fuck that. It feels like prostitution to me and I don't put up with it and you shouldn't either.
• LOCATION: YOUR HOME
Party Locations are very important. If you plan on hosting in your home put your valuables, breakables and clutter away. I never had anything stolen and only my towel rack got broken but the wear and tear on my couch was huge. Make sure your address number is well-lit. If you live in apt. complex with a courtyard it may not be a great idea to have lots of people traipsing in and out of your complex. If it's a gated community with a security guard where people need to show an ID it might raise some eyebrows to have a bunch of crossdressers showing ID's as men. And sometimes people are stupid and don't even know the hosts name so they might say, "I'm looking for the party from Craigslist". Stranger things have happened. You really need to look at your set up and neighborhood before you decide to have a sex party for 40 people. And parking in California is always an issue. I also wouldn't allow sex outdoors if there's even a remote chance it can be seen by anyone. And don't be crazy and have a party while your wife/roommate/girlfriend/kids are away. Condoms (used and unused), panties and earrings have a way of surfacing days, weeks and months after a party is over. And you also run the risk of someone showing up unannounced the next day seeing if the party is still going on. Here's an important thing, though. People prefer attending house parties over hotel parties so if you can find the right house you are better off and if you do use your own house you can supplement your rent and mortgage. I've paid between 150-750 for a location so using your own home is a big plus in terms of money.
• LOCATION: HOTEL
So many things can go wrong at a hotel party but knock on wood, I've never had a major problem but I'm always nervous and happy when it's over. Here's a partial list of what can go wrong. 1) The manager gets wind of it and throws you out. 2) Party-goers knock on the wrong door. 3) There's a communication gap and people don't get the room number. 4) The suite you reserved becomes unavailable and you get a tiny room with 30 people crammed in. 5) The room gets damaged somehow and the hotel charges you a crazy fee for a damaged item. 6) Cops respond to a problem in the hotel and your party-goers drive up, see the cops and keep on driving thinking there's a problem with your party. 7) The party gets loud and the people in the next room call the manager who then comes and knocks on the door and you open it to reveal 30 naked people having sex. 8) You have to let people know the location without putting the hotel name, address and phone number on the announcement. It's tricky. 9) You shouldn't use a hotel with a lobby, at least not a small lobby. If the manager or front desk sees a bunch of people heading up to the same room it could and probably will bring trouble. 10) It's best to have a suite and keep all the sex in one room so if the manager does knock and you open the door. they won't see very much. 11) Always look through the peephole before answering and if it looks like a hotel staff person or a cop, have everyone move to the other room. Hotel parties not in a suite are really not a great idea though I've done it. Having said all that, many people, including us have thrown countless successful hotel parties and continue to do so. There's just lots to think about and the main thing is getting the RIGHT hotel.
• COMPETITION
The only person you are competing with is yourself. If your parties are awesome, the word will get out and people will come. If your parties aren't good and people stop coming I would take a serious look at yourself and your party and try to figure out how to improve it. When attendance is light it's always easier to blame it on external factors but usually the problem is internal. Don't be afraid of change. It takes a while to get it right or realize it's not gonna work.
• DETAILED INFORMATION
I believe the more information you give the more people like it. I may be wrong on this one but I'd rather put too much information in the invite than have lots of people sending me questions.
• INVITATION and ANNOUNCEMENTS
Your invite reflects your party. If your invite and announcement is messy and disorganized maybe your party will be too.
• G-MAIL IS COOL
One thing we do is have a g-mail account that people write to for the address and information and we set it up to send an automatic reply. It saves lots of time responding to people with the same information and it's better than having your address floating all around the internet.
• LOST AND FOUND
People leave stuff behind. I throw it away. If I didn't throw it away I'd have a year supply of clothing I'd be storing and lugging around. Obviously, if it's someone's wallets or keys or if you recognize the clothes and you know who owns them you should try to help return it, but if it's a pair of panties it goes right to the trash. It's your call but if you're gonna run a sex addict lost and found department you better get a REALLY big box. And if you're hosting in your house, some people will ask you to store things til the next party, DON'T DO IT. They'll either need the stuff before the next party or they'll never come back; it's just a hassle. One of the most important things to remember as party host/hostess is the word NO.
• USA PROMOTIONAL FEES
If you would like us to endorse and promote your party you must agree to follow the rules laid out in these guidelines and pay the site a promotional fee equal to the cost of two donations. So if you plan on charging $20.00 you would give the site $40.00. If you charge $40.00 you would give the site $80.00. The promotional fee needs to be paid in advance before we begin promotion not after. If you are a member of the site you can promote your party on the site but if you want us to add you to our party mailings which go out to all members as well as an additional e-mail list of 2,000 then you need to pay a promotional fee. We will do at least three mailings for you but maybe more. We feel strongly we will be able to get at least two people there to cover your promotional costs but hopefully we will get you many more. Contact us directly to ask about the best way of getting your promotional fee to us.
• WHAT YOUR FEE GETS YOU
We want you to be happy and to have a successful party. We will do at least three mailings for you. You'll be listed on the site and discussed. We will encourage people to go. Your promotion might be attached to other promotions. We can discuss specifics once you tell us what you're doing and what you need.
• SELL MEMBERSHIPS AND MAKE MONEY
If someone wants to upgrade on the USA site for a year for $90.00 and you are willing to accept their payment and then get it to us we would ask that you let them in free and then keep $20.00 for yourself so you would then give the site $70.00. If you don't wish to do this, just let us know.
• FREE 60 DAY UPGRADES FOR PARTY GUESTS
Anyone who attends your party will be given 60 FREE days on UnitedSexAddicts.com but it's their job to to contact us and tell us, not yours. You don't need to worry about it. But it is a good incentive to get people to go to parties.
• CRAIGSLIST, YAHOO / GOOGLE / USA GROUPS
We strongly suggest you don't expect all of your party-goers to come from UnitedSexAddicts.com. Even with a contact list of over 6,000 we are still on the look-out for new sex addicts and new ways to promote. So we suggest using Craigslist.org and Yahoo/Google groups to promote as well. Beat the bushes.
• BE PATIENT
It might take 3 or 4 parties before you get a good turn-out. You have to earn the trust of party-goers. I did three small parties then my fourth one exploded! It was huge.You need good word-of-mouth to spread. It takes time. I know of a super lame party in California that has been going on for years. No one goes, the hosts are lame, the party sucks. Word of mouth is awful. They will never have big parties. Word-of-mouth is everything so don't expect your first party to be big. Be patient. It ain't a get-rich-quick-scheme. You'll have better luck playing the lottery.
Ok, if you've read all that and you still want to do a party, YOU'RE INSANE!
But contact us today and let's get to work.
Sincerely,
Sally, Blair, Ronnie, AlwaysADiva and Admin
Your friends at UnitedSexAddicts.com
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